Can you really feel empty? What do you call the feeling of feeling nothing at all? Every day was a routine, every hour another grind as my life wore closer and closer to the nub, and I slowly began the mull over the idea of freeing myself from this crushing weight of nothingness. Now, I might be a selfish person, but at least I’m thoughtful. I would put down a tarp first. Make the cleanup a little easier.
I walked to the store (as I do not own a tarp), and with every footstep I could feel myself being free. Free from the routine, free from the pit in my heart, free from a world that would keep turning whether or not I woke up tomorrow. But as I placed the packaged tarp on the checkout, the cashier stopped and looked at me. I don’t know why she did it, although I suspect my demeanor betrayed me, but she asked me what was wrong. And I, being the fool I am, cried in the checkout line. I wasn’t happy, no, but I wasn’t empty either. This was something: a start. I left the tarp at the store.
The next day, I pulled out my small pocket mirror to check my appearance before work. I didn't have a reflection.