My parents separated when I was 5 due to my dad's alcoholism, which was completely unbeknownst to me. Looking back, I do remember visiting him in the hospital once (this was after their separation and he had moved to his parents a few states away), and his skin was yellow and he really looked like he was dying, which he probably was at the time. He ended up dying when I was 7 from gastrointestinal hemorrhage, caused by cirrhosis of the liver, esophageal varices and hep C, all alone in his parents house, and god knows how many days his body was lying there until the neighbor noticed his car not moving from the driveway. After their separation, times were hard, especially financially, but I was largely unaware as I was a child. He stopped paying child support, my mom worked small jobs, and we were just about to start using food stamps before he died. We didn't get any of the little money he had left, as his parents took it; I'm quite sure they blamed my mom for his drinking and death, and they didn't get him the help when he needed, so there must be some guilt in there too. I haven't heard from them in almost 10 years now since his death, but that's another story. My mom continued to work small, odd jobs, and she moved us to a new town a few years following his death. Getting used to my parent dating was something, but I didn't have as big of a problem with it as my older sisters did; I wanted my mom to be happy. Losing a parent made me grow up, become independent, aware, and considerate. I watched as my siblings handled the grieving process and depression, which was largely through therapy and anti-depressants, but I quickly realized that talking to someone wasn't for me, and I think I've done a great job dealing with this on my own. Financially, I became very conscious of money and my mother's spending. My mother has been with the same man for the past 5/6 years now and they'll be officially getting married sometime and I love him, but I don't consider him my father. I do not have one anymore. And now that I know the truth about my own father and his alcoholism, my view of him has changed too. He wasn't the man I thought he was and that convolution is frightening; I don't feel much love at all towards him anymore, but that is my bitterness right there. He went with booze over his 4 kids, but it was his addiction that he couldn't overcome. Looking back, I wouldn't changed how I was raised. My mother did a damn fine job and she's my hero for putting up with us all.