I did start over. Same shit, different people. I refuse to sit in the passenger seat of anyone else’s “life” and go where they go. I’ve missed out doing my bidding for unfaithful disloyal creatures who never deserved the love and devotion i’d shown them. Way better to be alone and have yourself, than to be an ineffectual observer of someone else’s life“ambitions” like a fucking pumpkin spice latte and watching bachelorette.

The world is full of wonderful books and philosophers and musicians and there is so much to experience. I really toggle between feeling inclination toward suicide, fear of reincarnation, and wishin I could be immortal to read almost every book and experience all that ever was. Except marriage... there you buy shit you don’t care about, get spoken down to or criticized, scheduled for things you don’t care about, hanging out with people you’d rather not, and a bunch of other nonsense I no longer have the patience to tolerate.