So…I don’t know if this is good advice or not but it actually helped me. I went through this, probably to a lesser degree because I don’t think I would ever really do it, but there was a lot of depression and thoughts drifted there occasionally. Where I went in my head was: “Hey. If you are just going to off yourself, why not move to some equatorial country and try to become a drug lord? Just take over a town and live that life, and if it doesn’t work out hey, same result.” Tongue in cheek a little bit, but then it also got me thinking bigger about how my restraints in life were mostly self imposed. Right? I mean a lot of it is all mental constructs that aren’t physical barriers to change. That mode of thinking evolved into tangible plans, and later action, and honestly I’m doing way better now, what, 10-15 years later. I’m a completely different person with new goals and challenges, but I’m driving it. Anyway…I tend to self soothe with humor, and it was a ridiculous initial thought, but it opened my eyes to how much “room” there was around me. The box I was in was in my head. Good luck and happy holidays!