I'm in this frustrating space and not sure how to make sense of it. I had a D&E on December 21. I've spent the last few weeks obsessively peeing on sticks (not necessarily because we are actively trying, but because it seemed to help me process the loss. It gave me something to control/channel energy into). I am seeing a counselor and my doctor and am not trying to rush into anything, but I just couldn't bring myself to *prevent,* even if we are not trying. And tracking stuff just helps me.

So, today is CD 32 (counting the miscarriage as CD1). my OPKS indicate I did have not ovulated. The strips indicated a little surge on CD 17 and then another, slightly larger surge on CD 25, but neither seemed strongly, obviously positive to me. We happened to BD on the day I noticed the second surge (CD 25) but I assumed it was not actually baby-makin' because of not having gotten a + on an OPK. No AF yet. Is it because my body is taking awhile post MC? Did I actually ovulate later and sperm miraculously met egg? Neither? groan.

Anyway, I feel like I truly understand the phrase 'my body is trolling me' in ways I hadn't before. I know it can take a long time for cycles to get back to normal after a loss. I know it could be weeks yet until I get AF or it could come in the next few minutes. This limbo is the worst. Everything about all this is the worst. Thanks for letting me vent.