Day 13 of stims and found out I will be going to at least day 16 before triggering because of poor response. At the end of my rope. I’m so uncomfortable, so emotional, and just exhausted.

My RE expected me to only need 8-10 because I was such a strong responder during my IUI cycles. Even with all this misery, I still have basically no follicles and going in every single morning for a dildo cam and blood work before dawn is going to be my villain origin story, I swear to God. My ovaries are HUGE. My estrogen is in the 2000s. And I only have five follicles bigger than 10mm. None larger than 15. No more than 4 within 3mm of the others’ sizes— my lead follicles keep expiring and a new, tiny batch of small follicles pop up.

I am so tired of not feeling like myself, physically and emotionally. I miss being an active, funny, kind person who is not in around the clock discomfort. I miss having a personality other than my stupid infertility. I feel like every coping mechanism has been taken away from me because it’s “not recommended.” And I can’t even go for a fucking walk to blow off steam because the weather in Chicago is absolutely disgusting.

I don’t know how I’m going to make it to next week feeling this way. I don’t know how I’m going to do more ERs knowing I’m going to feel this way the whole time.

Also I swear to God if I have to listen to the hold music at Freedom Fertility Pharmacy again I might commit a war crime.