I have always just wanted to be prepared. Due to trauma my mind always tends to think of the worst thing that could happen. It kind of sucks because I am conditioned to be kind of a pessimist.

When I started to learn how crazy the world was and the many horrible ways we can die and how fragile our societies are, O wanted to be prepared. I have suffered from anxiety and depression almost as long as I can remember.

I knew how to hide. I was an only child and so I spent a lot of time alone I am mostly content in alone but it’s loneliness that is the problem.

What I have been preparing for is the following:

Shelter in place. I have been trying to gather resources for a few months of shelter in place. After that I would end it if things didn’t get better.

This is because I have already had a hard life and wanted to end it but something kept me holding on. If I have a purpose and all of this happened for a reason then it will have to be evident before then and then or else I wouldn’t want to even try to live in that kind of world anymore.