I want to give you a big hug. I went through this same process. Let's start

1) YOU ARE NOT A TERRIBLE PERSON. Your brain is gonna keep telling you you are. That's what OCD does. It takes what we believe to be the worst thing to think, then it makes us think it. It's tortures you. You are not "faking it", you are not wasting anyone's time. You have an illness. You can work through this

2) no matter how terrible your thoughts are, you are not alone in having them. You might think you have had the most horrible wrenches thoughts, and you have. That's what OCD makes you do. But, you did not choose to have them. You were forced too. And you are not alone. Millions of others have gone through this too. I'll try to break the stigma by adding some of my worst intrusive thoughts . God the only reason im willing to confess this is im high.

1) im gonna rape a child 2) disturbing imagery regarding religion and sex 3) killing everyone I know 4)eating my dogs and liking it

This hurts me so much to write. Im not a bad person I swear I would never do those. My mind knows those are the most terrible things I can think of so it torments me with them

You're not faking it and you're not alone