Gather round, children, for a story from the old time.
One day Cookittie and Comeycat were panicking. SnowdenCat was very bad kitty bad bad kitty, and told all the kitties ComeyCat and his clowder was in they ceiling tiles pwning all their things and watching dem use the litter box and chaise tey tails. SnowdenCat then went an hid in Putinpurrs litter box so dey couldn't get to him. Cookittie was very upset and called Comeycat:
"Y U let dis happen. Iz very bad. Bad kitteh! who will buy our ceiling tiles if dey know ur kitties iz der watching dem chase their tails."
But Comeycat is a crafty kitty. So he knew what to do.
"U listen to me Cookittie. I iz in ur phone killing ur planz. hehehe. anyway, u listen here like a good kitteh. we gonna go public and be like 'whaa waa Cookittie won't let us in hiz ceiling tilez.' we're gonna be all crying to dat cool ObamaKat like 'whad about da kitteh porn and we just use it to try and track the laser dot, what cat don't want us to catch that bad bad laser dot?' we gonna get on da TV and be like 'if it wasn't for Cookittie, we'd have caught da lazer dot by know. Cookittie's ceiling tiles is too secure, dey protects lazer dots!'"
"But ur kittehs iz all up in da ceiling tiles watchin em chase ther tailz and masturbate u aint lookin for no lazer dots. every time u catch a lazer dot one of your kittehz is on da ting, making dat dot appear. dese kittehs ain't dumb enough for dat"
"Just you watch, Cookittie. all kittehs gonn buy ur ceiling tiles. we gonna get dem tinking cookittie makes de most secure ceiling tiles. u win, cause dey buy ceiling tilez and we win cauze dey be thinking dey secure and dey do stupid stuff while we watch from da ceiling. both us catz win."
Den Cookittie says "Whada I hafta do?"
To this day, all the kitties think Comeycat isn't watching them masturbate, chaise their tail and use the litter box. They love Cookitties ceiling tiles. And to this day, Comeycat is watching any kitty do anything he wants, enjoying the way they look extra foolish when they think he's not watching.