I liked how I felt while drinking, but living with the aftereffects of my actions was horrible. During my 20s in college I worked at a bar/club, and was surrounded by it. I’d drink before my shift to get past my own awkwardness (undiagnosed until my 40s) and I went out 3-4 nights a week with friends. Sometimes it was manageable, sometimes it would lead to me making really bad decisions. I blacked out regularly. Combined with hyper sexuality, I took a lot of chances and dealt with a lot of consequences. But most of all it messed with my sleep, messed with the structure of my life that was my coping mechanism prior to being diagnosed (20 yrs later). My academics suffered and because of drinking, I wasted a huge portion of my 20s and permanently impacted the trajectory of my career. Also, I put on a ton of weight from it. Zero stars, would not recommend.
My father’s side has a history of alcoholism and I know I’m predisposed on multiple levels. I don’t think I was ever a true alcoholic, but it was close. I’m honestly lucky I’m alive after some of the choices I made while drinking.
Becoming a parent changed things for me. I cannot be the parent I need to be while hung over (in my 40s, anything over 2 drinks gives me a hangover). My husband has a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol and somebody needs to be the responsible parent. I don’t want my daughter (who I suspect has ADHD) to grow up thinking that alcohol is how adults relax.
Diagnosed last year, started meds in October. I do not enjoy the way alcohol interacts with my meds (tried that one time on a lark during a kid-free weekend and won’t do it again) and honestly, the meds do for my brain what booze did. Nowadays I might have 1-2 drinks on a Saturday night, but I don’t really need them.
I’m not perfect, 1-2X/week I enjoy high CBD strains of weed. Sometimes that’s the only way I can deal with the existential dread of reading the news. I don’t mess with straight THC, it makes my mind race. I don’t live in a legal state, so my supply is limited and that’s probably a good thing.