Im 30 and had a brief relationship when I was 16. I had my first kiss and that was it Nothing else since then.

I am trying to deal with it in psychotherapy. But I don't know how. I have been bullied all my school life. I have been bullied extra hard during my relationship. I have been sexually intimidated in dressing rooms by other guys and girls of my class at 14.

Its probably my core cause for AvPD and my whole unsatisfactory life. But yea.. I don't know. I honestly cannot believe that someone can fall in love with me. Any compliments I receive I can acknowledge them politely, but I can't let them land and sink in. I don't know what being flirted or flirting is like. I hate dating apps because it only seems to attract attention craving woman with unrealistic high standards.

End of raging diary :'(