I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Fuck him though. Don’t blame yourself for wanting attention from him, it sounds like he was playing you and it makes sense to crave love. It makes sense what you did and as painful as it was, we learn from these things. You couldn’t have known otherwise.

I’m so glad you are seeing a therapist. However this relationship is very important to feel like you can say anything without judgment. It took me a while to find the right therapist because I thought I was the one who was doing something wrong. I felt like a lot of times they were an authority figure (even as a grown ass person myself) and was terrified of discipline through judgement. It’s important to have someone who fits you and your needs. I preferred someone who had the right balance of validating my feelings but also offering helpful productive solutions.

You can try a few things to process this. First thing is to tell your therapist. BUT brace their reaction with the knowledge that their thoughts do not equal the end all truth of how you feel. A therapist should never make u feel like you disappointed them. They are a coach but should not make you feel like they hold power over you. If you are constantly feeling like this, it won’t hurt to shop for a different therapist on the side. It might be awkward but you can also bring it up with them about how you feel in your discussions (unsafe to reveal certain things, you don’t like how they react to certain things, etc) and it’s THEIR JOB to reorient and make you feel safe.

You are growing and these mistakes do not define you. But also do not feel like you need to rush into talking about it. Do it when you are ready and it will take some time to heal but you are already working on it <3