I'm not afraid of never being in love again. As someone with around 30 previous sex partners, 2 relationships that lasted 2 years, one that lasted 3.5 and this one which has lasted 8 - i know times due to age and such change and circumstances change, but i know i won't be alone and i know she won't be alone (which doesn't bother me mind you)

But as someone who's been in love a number of times - i know what i have. I have the best friend to end all best friends. I have someone, outside of the bedroom, who's on the same page as me in every way. And the ways she isn't, however minor, are compatible at least. If we split - we would not be friends. THe pain would run to deep and we would not have a relationship. She's not big on keeping ex's hanging around and neither am I - and typically, new lovers aren't too terribly fond of that shit anyways.

And she's, on paper, everything i want. She's smart, she's driven, she's hilarious, she's childishly silly, she's tolerated me working through temper problems i didn't even begin to face until i was an adult, she's been the captain keeping the boat of our lives afloat when i've been laid off, when i feel like shit or i'm sick she's motherly without being annoying, we get ridiculously excited exploring similar interests - from going to see our favorite bands in concert, to having camped off marathons of our favorite tv shows. We're both scifi nerds, progressives, atheists, former heavy drug users, with similar family backgrounds (class, family problems, abusive fathers, both of us have one sibling) who grew up in conservative and heavily religious environments.

And frankly - regardless of what i've said about her weight (which is more of her self image as far as i'm concerned), i think she's beautiful. I think - whenever sex isn't on the brain, that the sun shines out of her ass.

I'm not scared of being alone. I'm not scared of her being with others.

I'm scared of not being with her.

I can find someone else to love. I'll never find someone i get along with so well like this. It's not like she's my high school sweetheart. I've been around the block. A few times.