I've never stopped exercising at home and you just caught me returning from my run, trying to get back into the habit. The thing is, I just look like a beanpole now where I was formerly so defined, and since being defined didn't help me meet people either, there is this nagging feeling at the back of my skull that maybe it's all a bit useless. That has its root cause in what I consider a grave betrayal from a former friend, who told me that with losing my hair I'd also forfeited 4 points on the 10 point scale (which I learned of then and there), that it was all biology, that I was - the word was "Genmüll" (genetic trash) and "more suited as a provider than a mate", since my own prospective offspring would also carry my flawed genes. Add to that my "unexciting height" of 185cm, which, I'm told, is almost 6ft1 and I should just accept my fate in the genepool. Since she was a person I put a lot of trust in and who showed interest in me when fitness and hair still coincided, I believed in her words and have also made similar experiences with other people. I worked myself down from 120kg to 80kg in just above half a year from March to October 2013 and have been as low as 73kg with a teeny body fat percentage and apparently all muscle, now during the pandemic I fluctuate between 77 and 80kg and of course a lower muscle and higher body fat percentage. I hope it's inderstandable that though it is certainly vain, I place a lot of confidence in my appearance for that reason. Before losing weight, I often heard "If only you were a little slimmer".